Keep Calm & Release The Kraken!

Good job, champ.

Trying to keep a Poker face in front of my mom while drunk off my ass was the best part of the whole night.

And I just want to say that I apparently cannot type when under the influence, and I love you too jgaskisanerd :)

I love you. :D

You probably wont feel good in the morning. But man, drunk tumblr posts are the best.

I was so drunk I fell out of my Jeep because I was reaching for the door handle of an open door to steady myself. The ground hurt.

Will Sober mee    up!

Will I regert these postts in the morning? Nahh.

I am drunk right now for the first time in a fvery long tome. I went to a barbewue with a bunch of friends and I drank a whooooooole lot of 20 year old whiskey, 1 smirnoff grape, 2 Bacardii Mojito, 1 Jack danials down home punch, and 1 Mike’s margarita. I’m all over the place. I actuly fell out of my Jeep; chriss drove me of course, I can’t drive intoxicvated@ hAHA!

i FEEL really nice.  I don’t hink I’ll feel very good inthe morning.

Don’t give me your I-pod/MP3 player to put music on it for you. Why? For simply, I will got through all your music, taking what I like, my collection only growing, before I actually put your new music on your device.

(Source: FreeBirdMixTapes.Tumblr.com)

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Oops.

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Hey guys, check it out, this spam actually has proper grammar!

This is something that I’ve been searching the books to be able to explain in the most polite and intelligent way. This goes out to females and men alike, but being a female myself, I’ll say it from the standpoint of such. Girls, think wisely about your answer when I ask you this: How many times have you been in a lovely relationship, when some other woman talks a little too “friendly” with your man, or looks at him in a way that might make you jealous, or tries her damndest to swoon him away from you and into their arms? Do you remember how you felt? Were you not only angry, but did you also feel disrespected? Who did that broad think she was, right? Now that you’re envisioning the situation, let me ask you this: Have you ever been the criminal in this case? The woman who is aware that a man is taken, and yet still presses herself into someone else’s relationship in the hopes of becoming victorious with the outcome? Not only is being “friendly” with another individual’s partner disrespectful, it’s a good way to get your ass kicked. And with that I say with utmost respect: Dear girls who like to message and text my boyfriend saying things like “hey, we should hangout,” and the ladder, he doesn’t want you nor will he ever— he shows me every text and every message, and I must say your attempts are pretty pathetic. Just remember how it felt when another woman imposed on YOUR relationship. This has been another interesting thought with Jessica Smith. Goodnight. :)

(Source: FreeBirdMixTapes.Tumblr.com)

Good shit.

eraisuithonakaspeedo asked: TAG YOU’RE IT! Here are the guidelines: 1) Each tagged person must post ten things about themselves. 2) You have to choose and tag ten people, as well. 3) Go to their blogs and tell them you tagged them. 4) Sadly enough, there is no tagging back~

1. Originally from beautiful Winter Haven, Florida.
2. Nautical Fanatic
3. Jeep Driver
4. Flash Mob Activist
5. Obsessed with finding new music
6. Stage 1 hoarder
7. Mexican food is my favorite food of all the foods
8. I want to live in Tennessee for the rest of my life
9. Arachnophobic
10. /b/rother